Sing to the tune of WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND:
Christmas rush, are you list’ning
In the lanes, cops are whist’ling
A horrible sight, another long night
Caught in a Manila Traffic Jam.
for more, click here.
[A is for age:] 25
[B is for beverage of choice:] coffee or coke
[C is for career:] graduate student/part time graduate assistant/freelance tutor/and more!
[D is for your dog's name:] Don’t have any
[E is for essential item:] eyeglasses
[F is for fond of what:] food, friends, books, music, theater, sleep
[G is for favorite game:] word games
[H is for home town:] Manila
[I is for instruments you play:] vocal chords? hehe
[J is for favorite juice:] mango
[K is for kids:] I can’t see myself with any… yet.
[L is for last hug:] Given or received?
[M is for marriage:] …. CLICK HERE. =)
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 2Peter 1:9
Challenge: How to compress a week’s worth of mountaintop experiences in one blog? Check this out:
http://www.tarits.com/2008/11/11/called-by-him-first-ifugao-sembreak-camp/
I’ve been calling you to go to the city
I’ve been watching you every day
Now I’m paying for a one way ticket
for a ship that sails the opposite way
And you laugh and you cry
and you live and you die
cause you don’t really know who you are
all alone in this world
orphan boy, orphan girl
cause you don’t really know who you are
Run baby run
my hands release you
baby run baby run
just as fast as you can
run till your legs lead your heart to the real truth
you’re my daughter, my son,
so run baby run baby run
Hear me laughing as you run from your calling
see me crying in the storms that rage
one way or another, you will be going
to obey is such an easier way
(Run Baby Run by Jason Upton)
I’m not doing a lot of physical running… all of my running has been in my head. Running away from the here and now, from opportunities and possibilities, from reality, above all, from my calling. I’ve said yes with my lips and with my mind, but not with my heart and spirit.
Thoughts keep me awake and occupy my mind…bakit ko pinapahirapan ang sarili ko? to work or not to work? apply or not to apply? what’s next? stay or go? what to teach? who will be my students? whom should i trust? what to continue and what to finish? why am is such a masochist?…ad nausem. In short, I’m thinking about anything and everything but what I’m supposed to do be doing at the moment. Great.
I KNOW this is where I am supposed to be and this is what I am supposed to do.
Yet still I run…
I have been built for… more than what the senses can perceive. To love and be loved. =) To be salt and light. To teach that there is more to life than this. To shine like the stars. To proclaim the day of freedom and favor. to defend the hope I hold onto. I have been created for eternity.
Lost dreams. Being a doctor, laywer or journalist… really not what I was built for after all. I have lost dreams that are not meant to be. And all those other things that do not have God in the center, I have let go of gladly.
One month to go before sembreak and so-called vacation. A little after that and I’m off to Ifugao. And then back to living at Makati for the second semester. For good? Not sure yet.
I wonder when I’ll get tired of running?
When I was in preschool, my family lived in a one-bedroom apartment in Sampaloc. My mom had all the walls painted pristine white in the belief that this would make the place look bigger. Of course my brother and I immediately grabbed pencils and crayons and started scribbling on those walls. Aside from the spanking that followed, I can barely remember what I wrote. I think we mostly did drawings. My favorite drawing subject was a shining sun that my dad said resembled a roasted potato with sticks poking out in all directions. Artistically talented I am not.
I have an ocean’s worth swimming in my head right now. Some are as fierce as sharks in clamping onto my attention. Others are like little minnows that flit in and out of consciousness. Some are big, Jonah-style fishes that seem to loom over everything else.
Here’s a sample of my fishies:
I wish I can move back to 924. I wish it were 2010 already. I wish that I can get past the QLC confusion and just live.
I wish I had an 8-day week. I wish academic papers wrote themselves. I wish the library would stay open until midnight. I wish our grades were 99% class participation. I wish classes before 12 noon disappear. And that I’ll stop procrastinating and filling my schedule to bursting.
I wish I can eat all I want and not suffer the consequences. I wish I had a body clock. I wish I can motivate myself to exercise more. I wish my allergies would just go away. And that contact lenses aren’t so uncomfortable.
I wish I had a coffee press, black boots and a laser printer. I wish I knew how to pick my own clothes. I really, really wish I had a laptop with wifi. I wish I owned all my favorite books in hardcover with those wonderful glossy colored jackets.
I wish I can watch Twilight. And Lea Salonga perform as Cinderella. And Les Miserables in Broadway. Or just attend a musical theater worskhop.
But some of my wishes have come true. Here are some of the fishes I’ve caught:
I went to Cebu 5 years ago and to Bacolod last summer and in both instances, witnessed something truly magnificent. I’m studying in Diliman and reading a lot. I’m attending Life-Growth, a one year Bible course, which miraculously did not conflict with my schedule. I have a baby to harass play with adore (a little early though). As of this week, I have tutorial students again and thus a parttime job. I’m on better terms with her now. I have an official accountability triad, after 5 years. I can now sing alto without being drowned by my choirmates. My wisdom teeth are gone, happiness! Another wish granted: belonging here and there for 8 years now.
The past 3 years have also given me this: I know what I’m not supposed to do and where I’m not supposed to be. Whatever people may say to the contrary.
I now have more than an inkling of what I’ll do for the next two years. And a lot of exciting hints on what comes after that.
We had one of our semi-regular KC reunions in Makati last week in honor of a friend from Cagayan de Oro. As usual, the talk turned to memories of the camp, which led to another quotable quote from one of my kuyas:
"Don’t check my grammar, check your feelings!!!"
This made me think of something I learned in Educ class. Studies show that parents rarely correct their children’s grammatical errors; instead, they check the "truth value" of what the kids say. For example, when a little girl said "Daddy buyed me a present yesterday," the mother would just reply "No, sweetie, Daddy bought you a present last week." She corrected her daughter’s statement about time, not the little girl’s use of the past tense.
I realize that I have been so busy checking the grammar of my life recently, trying to create order out of an unstructured life. Edited the redundant things and proofread the unnecessary words and typos to make my discourse sound and look good. Set deadlines, made to-do-lists, budgeted resources and got caught up in the quest for a life that would follow the rules. Once again, I fell into the trap of focusing on the wrong things.
I’ll skip the grammar and go straight to the heart of the matter. Not just checking my feelings, but reminding myself of my values and His truths.
When I was still chained to a computer 5 days a week, what made cubicle incarceration worthwhile is facing a blank Wordpress blog template and filling it up with my thoughts. Sometimes they come tumbling out by themselves in an outpouring of joy or angst or fear or gratitude. Often, I find myself groping for words, struggling to make them flow just so, carefully putting them together then deleting everything and starting all over again. And again.
There are times though when I just can’t think of anything to post. When writer’s block rears its ugly head, I go through my blog links hoping to be inspired by what my friends have posted.
Like this brilliant idea called Truth Thursdays which has been going on since May here.
